Why Marriage Matters
Marriage has complex social, personal, legal and spiritual meanings. At its core, marriage is the daily lived promise between two people to care for and be responsible for each other. In its best form, it strengthens couples, families and communities and fulfills human needs for sharing commitment and love.
There are many tangible, legal rights and responsibilities extended to couples when they civilly marry, which are meant to reinforce commitment, care and responsibility. However, the less tangible reasons are often the prompts for people to make a commitment of marriage such as having their lifelong promises to each other witnessed by family and friends, and for some, before their God. When a couple says, "We're married." everyone clearly understands the broad and deep nature of their relationship. Committed gay and lesbian couples already living a daily life of marriage want to marry for these same tangible and intangible reasons.
Faith communities see value in marriage too as it contributes to stable families, providing the means to nurture and care for each other. Marriage is also a means to express religious values of faithfulness and commitment. There are diverse opinions about marriage equality in faith communities. Faith communities do, and will continue to, have the right to choose whom they marry without penalty as is guaranteed by the US Constitution. We affirm, celebrate and defend this right. It is important to note that there are congregations in many faith traditions which already bless the relationships of the gay and lesbian couples in their congregations in services with spiritual but not legal status. These traditions include the United Church of Christ, Unitarian Universalism, Reform Judaism, Presbyterian Church USA and the Episcopal Church.
Why Civil Marriage Matters
Not every couple, gay or straight, wishes to get married, but in a democratic society there should be equal access to this civil institution as it carries with it a host of benefits meant to strengthen and protect families that cannot be obtained any other way. Civil marriage creates a safety net for families to navigate the complex financial and legal situations that occur in family life and it addresses issues such as illness, divorce, and death. There are very real harms, which gay and lesbian couples and their children face when they are denied civil marriage equality.
Examples include:
Children Children of gay parents are tremendously harmed by the inequality in our civil law. Married couples have the option to file their income taxes jointly when it is financially beneficial. Unmarried gay and lesbian couples without this joint filing option often pay higher taxes resulting in less income available to take care of their children. Additionally, children of gay parents may not be eligible for survivor benefits from one of their parents if there is no legal relationship established. Children of married couples automatically receive survivor benefits if either parent dies.
Family Leave Gay and lesbian partners often can't take family leave to care for a seriously ill partner without risk of losing their job or being sanctioned. Married workers are entitled to unpaid leave from their jobs to care for their spouse.
Hospital Visitation Gay couples can be denied the right to visit each other in the hospital or make medical decisions for each other. These rights are automatic for married couples.
These are just a few examples of the harms that come from denying couples and their children the protections offered by marriage. It makes no sense to exclude loving gay and lesbian couples, already living the daily life of a marriage, from the legal protections offered by civil marriage which are meant to reinforce commitment and dedication.
Why Marriage and Not Civil Unions
Civil Unions are often suggested as easier for the general public to accept and therefore should be the way to go. While we recognize civil unions are a step forward, they are by no means adequate. It is only with civil marriage that gay and lesbian couples will have full access to the benefits and responsibilities of marriage to take care of their families. Civil unions, a very recent invention, were created solely to grant a lesser and unequal relationship status for gay and lesbian couples. We have learned in our country that "separate but equal" is never equal. It creates stigma which breeds discrimination. Functionally, civil unions create a messy and unnecessary hodgepodge of limited rights, which are hard to navigate and frequently disregarded by legal and medical professionals in times of crisis. Marriage is what people understand. It is what people know. It is what is fair.
